Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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