you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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