Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just threw up on my dentist
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
