His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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