Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
