why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
