Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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