Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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