he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Text me some of your sweat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
