yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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