Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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