I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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