you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
