pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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