FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
