K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
