So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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