I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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