i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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