I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
