if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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