Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I party with great urgency now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
