where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
