He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
