Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
