if i can run in heels then i can drive
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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