This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
