I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
