I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
