did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
