is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
