I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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