Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
