Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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