Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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