Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This toilet bowl is my home.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
