It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
