youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
