So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
