I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
