brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
