My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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