i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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