All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
