I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
