all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
