her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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