just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
