I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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