I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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