I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
