I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
