look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
third nipple confirmed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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