My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
only if we run a train.
done.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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