It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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