My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
