i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
