He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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