Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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