All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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