I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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