Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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