I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
