is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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