feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
