Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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