I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
