D3 body, D1 cock
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bring money and cleavage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Text me some of your sweat
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