fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
