Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
