so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
