just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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