Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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