I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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