I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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