2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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