she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
